20-Sep-2005
Moving on, I'll give ten bucks to anyone who can guess how many times I've watched that wickedly funny, pre-brainwashed Katie Holmes master-"Pieces of April" (like what I did there? I thought so) this week. Something about that kooky ex-drug addict trying to whip up sweet potatoes and canned cranberry sauce for her cancer-stricken mama just gets me. It's enough to make me start looking up flights home for Thanksgiving at the now-bankrupt delta.com. Of course, my own family Thanksgivings aren't quite as eventful. I prefer the years when my mom has everyone over to our house. This allows me to:
1.) sample everything before my loud, obnoxious, and inevitably early family arrives
2.) make sure I have a double for the broccoli casserole I know my cousin Brian will show up with. He makes his with rice and cream of mushroom soup and everyone smiles and pats him on the back because he's a man and wasn't it so thoughtful of him to try cooking? Fuck that, I say. If you can't cook, don't peddle your wares on your extended family at Thanksgiving. Save your retarded excuse for a casserole for someone who will still love you even though it tastes like baby vomit. I won't. I see you once a year and you're not making a good impression, so I have no qualms about the rudeness of making a duplicate. Although it's not really a duplicate when it's so much better, is it?
3.) do quick shots of vodka over the kitchen sink when everyone has adjourned to the den to watch football. My mother usually waits for my second trip to said sink before she discreetly pulls me aside and asks for a screwdriver. By the time my extended family has left and my father has relegated us to our respective sofas to watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" or some other such reality rubbish, we are both thoroughly plastered.
On another note, I need to get out of the country. Does anyone want to come with me to Russia this winter?
i was going to go to russia this summer. why are u going during the winter? for how long? and where exactly?
D