17-Oct-2005
1.) Fuck quirky girls. If I have to see one more failed screen attempt of a guy falling in love with a girl for her wacky antics, I'm going to puke. There are a few prime examples. Natalie Portman aka "I'm wacky because I bury my dead animals in the back yard and Zach Braff finds that bewitching." Kate Hudson aka "I'm wacky because I'm fucking a rock star who treats me like shit and I have cool hair." And last, Kirsten Dunst aka "I'm wacky because I have a ridiculous excuse for a Southern accent and fight the machine by discussing "they" with Orlando Bloom." Guys, you're not falling in love with them because they're quirky. You're falling in love with them because they're hot, and any attempts at cuteness are superfluous. We all know they're your wet dreams - you don't need to try to give them a personality. I want to see these couples in forty years, when Natalie's world weary look is acutally earned and her eating disorder has given her a lovely case of osteoperosis. Will you still be charmed when she's conducting funerals in the back yard, Zach? Or will you tell her to shut her wrinkled yapper cause you're trying to watch the game? My guess is the latter.
2.) Elizabethtown is a myth. No one in Kentucky calls it that, and if Cameron had done one iota of research, he'd know that it's referred to as "E-town." Yes, because of the ecstacy, you sick fucks.
3.) I hate movies that try to show people falling in love through witty banter. It's boring to everyone else but the two involved in said relationship. Give me "Bonnie and Clyde" any day. They don't have to have hours of conversation - they're too busy killing people and robbing banks, but damnit if you don't know from that first shared laugh that these two are made for each other. Oh, and Faye Dunaway makes Natalie Portman look like Margaret Thatcher's ugly twin on a bad hair day.
so i take it Elizabethtown is not one of your favorites?
D
You know what's funny? I enjoyed everything except the love story. Just like with "Garden State."
Although I think that your critcisms are correct for the most part, I feel like I have to disagree with one thing.
Kirsten Dunst is NOT HOT. Not beautiful. Not even anywhere near pretty. And she continues to get more repulsive each and every time I see a story about her. See http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/10/10/nojan_kirsten_dunst_has_saggy.html .
I don't know how she gets Orlando to fall in love with her in that movie, unless it involved drugging his coffee while he was sleeping on the plane. Poor poor boy.
Haha! That's the greatest link ever, Julia. Here's what my qualifications for "hot" were:
1.) really fucking skinny (said skinniness inevitably renders a girl's head extremely large - this is my main problem with eating disorders - they make the poor wenches suffering from them look like bobbleheads)
2.) trendily cut, slightly shaggy hair, most likely blonde
Not my definition of hot either, but apparently Gyllenhaal digs it.
I haven't seen it yet. I guess it's a no-go other than looking for a) people you know IN the movie and b) places you know in the movie. As far as b. It pisses me off that they make this movie about E-town and then don't FUCKING shoot it there. Instead, the Woodford County Courthouse was renamed the Hardin County Courthouse for three days. Same with the high school. WTF? E-town has a decent downtown. Cute little restaurants, a courthouse with a circle...again, WTF?
Stay tuned this Friday for Dreamer with that annoying little shit kid. However, the best place to get Saturday morning hangover breakfast is in the movie and Kurt Russell walked right past my mom when filming. Sweet.