4-Oct-2005
10 years ago I
attended my first haunted forest (I was never big on the whole "you're going to be shut in this coffin/impaled by this pitchfork/served as a midnight snack to this fat-ass zombie" dynamic of Halloween). I know I'm getting awful specific with my dates, but I remember because my friend who's named after Farrah Fawcett and I were arm in arm, teeth chattering, scared out of our Gap overalls, when this werewolf with a chainsaw came running after her. Good ole Farrah, being the Kentucky gal she is, didn't bother to scream. Instead, she suckerpunched that damnable beast right in the kisser. If werewolves enjoy kissing, it was a sad night for that one. Until he realized "Teen Wolf" was on USA.
5 years ago I
had moved on to that mecca of learning known as Vanderbilt. Instead of spending my time ironing my cocktail dresses for the football games (what kind of fucked up place requires semi-formal attire for sucking on a beer funnel?), I, along with my irascible friends, had half the campus convinced that I was Heather Graham's sister. And these people were said to be bright... To that end, I worked on a project which, to date, is probably my favorite mockumentary of all time, "Graham Crackers." If you want a copy, send me ten bucks and some more beer for my funnel.
1 year ago I
was going through a hermit phase. I hated anyone who tried to call me. Not sure why... Oh, and if you called and didn't leave a message, I probably still hate you. Pet peeves, people. With me, they're like riptides. Go with the flow, and you'll make it out alive. I'm more likely to forgive you for stealing my boyfriend than not leaving a message. Of course, at this point, you'd be stealing nothing but smog-filled air, but that is neither here nor there. Smog-filled air never hurt me, but you did, when you didn't leave a message. Fucker.
5 Snacks I Enjoy
string cheese, apples with peanut butter, Cheez-its, ginger snaps, and "Graham Crackers."
5 Things I would do with 100 Million Dollars
your dad, five times. Oh, and I'd probably give a lot of it to charity. Abused animals and cancerous children are the way to make my cynical heart skip a beat and send my tear ducts into double overtime. I would care more about battered women, except I'm a Southern gal, and we are trained early in our shotgun usage.
5 places I would run away to
Yalta (there's a tiny castle on this cliff overlooking the Black Sea that takes two hours to walk up to - next time I'm going through a hermit phase, I'm there), Saint Petersburg (Russia, not Florida, you idjit. I'm not prepped for shuffleboard and cottage cheese just yet), wherever my mom is (because I'm a better person whenever I even think about her), I dug Monte Carlo the two days I was there, and I'll always feel at home in Manhattan (those four other burroughs can suck it), cause I can get lost there.
5 things I would never ever ever wear to be seen
Please. Have you seen my wardrobe? I'll wear anything. Two years ago, when my pal The Newly Married Gal was sleeping on my sofa in New York, she called me at work one day and said, "I'm tired of looking at all your clothes. I'm going to throw some of them out, because you should not wear them in public." I came home to five Hefty bags full of Limited-circa-1995 apparel. And I was sad to see it go...
5 favorite TV shows
Family Guy
Roseanne
The O.C.
Pepper Dennis
Just the Ten of Us
5 bad habits
blogging, social smoking while home alone, watching "Home Alone," taking my birth control pill, claustrophobia
5 biggest joys
watching "Home Alone," writing and drinking, preferably at the same time, Sarah Polley, taking a breath of smog-filled air as me
My Only Toys
Potbelly, my stuffed bear my dad got me the day I was born. Except apparently he's gone all L.A. and taken up Pilates, cause his potbelly's disappeared.
Email, aka the passive aggressive's most vital tool of communication
5 fictional characters I would date
Ben Covington aka Scott Speedman from "Felicity" - although he thinks too much, then shares his feelings. That gets annoying. I think he'd be good for a one-night stand, over and over and over.
Pacey Whitter aka Josh Jackson from "Dawson's" - I wouldn't date him, though. I would want a ring on my finger from him, stat. I'm just that smitten.
James Franco - he's so hot I don't believe he's a real person.
Steve Buscemi - Yes, I have what my friend Successful Writer calls "the Buscemi gene." This term can be defined as the explanation for a young, most likely hot, girl's desire to date someone who looks, for all intents and purposes, like the pedophilic janitor from your middle school.
5 People I'm Tagging:
No one. You think I give a damn about your life? Okay, you're right, I do. Why don't you call me up and leave me a message about it?
hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! and thank you for playing tag and answering my request to fill out this little survey!
D