12-Dec-2005

Sometimes, I love the Internet.  How else would I have gotten two thirds of my holiday shopping done without leaving my swivel chair?  Other times, however, I'm not so sure.  For, with the wealth of information out there on the, uh, "Information Superhighway," how is one ever supposed to make an informed decision?  Example:  Five years ago, my mother convinced me that Wendy's hamburgers were made of earthworms.  How did you find this out?  I asked her.  Her response:  "I read it on the Internet."  Fast forward to, well, now, and my tendency to self-diagnose illnesses.  So I log onto WebMD and check my symptoms:  some coughing, sore throat, etc., etc.  Now, according to this most reliable of medicinal dictionaries, I have either A.) lupus, B.) renal failure, or C.) AIDS.  Hmmmm... I was hoping for the "common cold."  But no, WebMD is a conspiracy theory to terrify hypochondriacs and therefore ensure the financial prosperity of Blue Cross/Blue Shield.  Not realizing this quite yet, I call up my doctor.  Here is the conversation that followed:

Me:  I think I have AIDS. 

Doctor:  (riotous laughter)

Me:  No, I'm serious.  WebMD says--

Doctor:  (cough, cough, laugh, laugh)  --I'm sorry.  For a second there, I thought you said you'd diagnosed yourself with AIDS.  On the Internet. 

Well, when he says it like that, sure it sounds like I'm the crazy one.  But go on WebMD, people.  If you don't convince yourself you're terminally ill within a half hour's time, I will eat my hat.  Also, if you do diagnose yourself with AIDS, do not go see "Rent."