30-Jan-2006

In no particular order, making no particular sense, but I am tired and sick and a little hungry, all this without even being hungover, so bugger off, whores.

Best Pickup Line... "So, wanna go back to my place and play Punch-Out?"  If he'd said Oregon Trail, I would have so fallen for it.  Something about cholera and rancid meat really gets me going.

Best SAG Acceptance Speech... S. Epatha Merkerson.  "And while I'm up here, I need to publicly thank my divorce attorney!  Woo-hoo!!!" 

Worst Idea Ever... From the Irish Asian, while dining at CPK Saturday.  We were talking about the Agents, who are semi-friends with him.

Me:  Now, Agent Who Looks Like Randy Quaid is married, right?

IA:  Right.  Wait.  Do you like the other one, aka Agent Who Doesn't Look Like Randy Quaid, But Who Looks Like John Stamos With a Voice Like Barry White?

Me:  Um, no. 

IA:  It's just, I thought, cause you know, I could make that happen.

For those of you just tuning in to the Faux Reality that is Hollywood, dating your agent is just about the worst idea since the Jump to Conclusions mat.  Just imagine...

Agent:  You haven't been putting out enough lately.  I'm staffing you on "One on One" until you get a little sluttier. 

Or...

Me:  Please stop beating me.

Agent:  Honey, I'm just trying to prepare you for your pitch at Lifetime next week.

And now I'm off to snort some Zicam.