29-Aug-2006

During the past month, I have declined (okay, not straight up declined, but been reluctant to accept) at least two nice young men who have asked me out.  It wasn't that they weren't attractive or kind or interesting.  In fact, quite the opposite was true.  I, however, had just come from a, while not particularly hurtful... well, okay, it was hurtful, but perhaps I should call it a slightly deceptive situation (although, to be honest, we've all done our share of deceiving, have we not?), in which the guy apparently pretended to be crazy about me, then one day I call him up, leave him a voicemail, and he never returns my call.  I am not the type to call back when someone doesn't respond to my voicemail (unless you're the Hottie, the Designated Driver, the Honeybee, or my mom), but I did do some checking (we have mutual friends), and said guy is not dead, so the only other excuse I could come up with was that he had lost interest (and here I'm not blaming him - shit happens, ya know?).  My friends pulled out all the stops - he's intimidated by you, he's not ready for you, he doesn't want to think about all he'd have to give up to be with you - I've heard it all before, and my response every time is the same.  I roll my eyes.  Cause, sad as it is, if you care about someone, all that other crap falls by the wayside.  I can't deny it - my feelings were hurt.  So enter some new guys, some lovely compliments, followed by a continuous roll of my eyes ("You know I just told you you have beautiful eyes, and you're rolling them at me?"), a few reprimands from my Ex Film Professor/Writing Partner, who wasn't hitting on me but told me I looked particularly lovely that day ("You know when a man compliments you and you roll your eyes, all you're saying to that man is that you think he's a gigantic dumbass," and then, re:  the guy, "You should have slept with him" - ah, the man's solution to everything), and here I am.  I wish I could accept a compliment, I wish I could believe anything, but really, at this point in my life, with a new, more stressful job and a career to get off the ground, I don't have time for the upset I went through this past month.  Don't shower me with compliments - instead, how 'bout a "Melissa, quit being a whiny bitch and tell me what you want me to pick up for dinner, since you've had a long day at work.  Also, in case you needed reassurance, I don't have AIDS."  Oh, and try returning my calls.  Okay, okay, my call.  But I shouldn't have to (and won't) try you more than once.