26-Nov-2006
A girl takes a few days off to spend Thanksgiving with her family, and what does she get? A barrage of emails asking where she's been, what she's been doing, blah, blah, blah. I even got one from Mom demanding to know the identity of my guest blogger, and I'm currently seeing her at least twelve hours a day (Mom, not the guest blogger). I suppose I can't complain - no one likes to feel missed more than I, but seriously, people, get a life. And Mom, stop emailing me when you know you're going to see me in twenty minutes.
My favorite correspondence came from the Staff Writer, who writes:
so i was checking email, reading the internet, etc..., and then i decided to catch up on my xanga.com/mascriv for my update on your life...
two things:
1. okay, we get it, you like New Boss...
2. i guess my invite NB's 30th was lost in the mail!
3. oh wait, i said two things... disregard this sentence.
what else is going on? what's happening that CAN'T be reported in the blog? have you seen JUST FRIENDS, which is playing on hbo about every other minute? it's a really horribly structured, poorly written movie that i CANNOT. STOP. WATCHING. it cracks me up every time i watch it.
If you were scoring at home, it'd be
Just Friends=6;
Schinder's List/Gone With the Wind/Braveheart=0
Signed,
Staff Writer
Now, you might ask yourself what the fuck is so funny about this email, besides the Staff Writer's endearing prose and BLATANT. THEFT. OF MY. LITERARY. STYLE. Well, I'll tell you. He seems to have rigged a camera in either my living room or my brain, because I, too, am addicted to JUST FRIENDS. So addicted, in fact, that I watched it last night and nearly scored a swift kick in the pants from the Designated Driver when I would not stop singing "Forgiveness... is more than saying sorry/ To forgive is divine/ So let's have a glass of wine/ And have make up sex--" DD - Shut up. Me - "Until the end of time, time, time, time..." I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I can be really annoying when I find something hilarious (and at all other times). I'll snort, I'll guffaw, I'll kick and scream and fall off the couch and hyperventilate, and that's just what JUST FRIENDS makes me do. I'm delighted the Staff Writer feels the same way - it makes me feel justified in naming one of the pilot characters after him. Or, at least, after a name that rhymes with his.
That was the happy part of this post. Now it's time for Melissa to bitch and complain... I have two beefs right now. 1.) My sleeping schedule is totally messed up. You'll notice it's past midnight, and I'm not in bed. Why not? I. HAVE NO. IDEA. 2.) I am experiencing persistent nausea. Maybe it's because I'm actually eating this week. But who wants to eat when it just makes you want to throw up? If anyone has any ideas on how to solve my eating/sleeping issues, please feel free to contribute to the comments section.
But I won't end on a bad note. Despite the not feeling so hot, Mom and Dad are here, and Cliffhanger's back in town, which isn't so bad (Melissa translation = she was missed). Also, Oscar Nom will be out here next week, so I'll get to spend some time with him... and hopefully not vomit all over his sexy plaid shirt.
Drink more water. Pee. Repeat.