Chlydia Strikes Again…

*** Just a disclaimer, this guest blogger isn't very funny and tries too hard to compensate for that.***

Ah...so many things I can say about M.A.

Nerd camp with M.A. -- I've tried to block most of that shitty summer out, but I remember that M.A. actually made friends at nerd camp, something I thought that I was entirely too cool for. Her roommate was this extremely hot sporty chick that was smart and funny, too. I couldn't help but hate/like her. M.A. was in rare form all summer, even when her stinky-breathed boyfriend dumped her because he was a jackass. She was definitely the coolest person there.

Academic Team with M.A.  - Was she really that smart? Once again, being the self-absorbed uber bitch that I am, I have absolutely no idea. I do remember thinking that she got all the "smart" questions right and I got all the easy pop-culture questions right. For example, the bitch new all sorts of random trivial shit about Russian literature, regular literature, French phrases and stuff like that. I knew things on the same level as bar trivia, like "Which rock 'n' roller's name is an anagram of a common term for fellatio?" Not that they asked questions like that, but if they did, I would have been the first to buzz buzz buzz.

M.A.'s Appearance and Degree of Coolness - Has either changed over the past twelve years?  If so, how? Melissa wouldn't have been caught dead wearing skank shorts and three inch heels on the corner of Steele and Fourth Street twelve years ago. Are you kidding me? She was a Day School kid. They thought us Catholic girls were too slutty way before we actually were. To answer the second part of that question, her degree of coolness has been improved only infinitesimally by the off chance that she might introduce me to my favorite actor one day...or take me as her date to some enormous red carpet awards show...we get excited about that shtick in these here hollers.)

What was it like beating M.A. every year for the Best Prose category of your high school's literary magazine? Today, I feel extreme validation (I crave it like pizza) that I was the shit writer in high school. Sadly, it seems to have been my peak while M.A. has gone on to much bigger and better things. I also beat her out in Most Likely To Succeed, however, she is proving that this was not honest foreshadowing.

Was M.A. popular in high school?  Was she as mean then as she is now? Of course she was popular. Teachers loved her, we all loved her, what more did she need? And, yes, of course she was this mean in high school. Do you all think this just happens overnight? I lived in fear of saying something that would arouse her scathing wit and hilarious condescension. And, I seem to remember she used to call the sweetest girl in school a fat cow or something all the time (granted, she did get made fun of for walking like she just got back to the ranch from a trail ride).

Who did M.A. have crushes on in high school? I really have absolutely no idea. I'd say Stinky Breath Boy and maybe the 7th Grade Crush Boy (if that's who I think it is). Oh, there was that one dipshit that doesn't even deserve a funny nickname. Think of the former politician who later whored himself out for Viagra...they share a first name.

Do you like Current M.A. or high school M.A. better?  Why? I definitely like current M.A. better because I know how to deal with her now. She was an adult long before I was, and she used to intimidate the hell out of me. Now, she's a hilarious, self-confident, snarky, McHottie who likes to eat sushi and see a movie about redneck Nascarians in the same night. What's not to love?