23-Mar-2007
I have been accused unjustly. Prancers, of anti-jogging, anti-knee problems, stance indicated her displeasure with Wednesday's blog entry. "You made me sound like a big ole fatty!" Says she. Well, I am here to tell you that that is not true, no way, no how. She's skinny as a crack whore with an eating disorder. And she even bakes fat free brownies and gives yours truly exciting snacks, like pretzel treats and organic peanut butter. She refuses to use the mustard I keep in the fridge, in fact, because it is not organic. It is French's, suitable only for white trash picnics and trips to the state fair - luckily, I'm a fan of both.
Cube Boy has also berated me for not writing about him, oh, EVERY SINGLE ENTRY. I waited for him to say something funny, which he did yesterday, as he pulled up a chair and sat a spell.
Me: Why are you looking at the ceiling like that?
CB: I'm imagining what you're like in bed.
Me: (rolling my eyes)
CB: I imagine you're good. But only because you're so competitive you wouldn't want someone spreading it around that you're not.
Me: (rolling my eyes again)
CB: Sometimes, Melissa, we just take a compliment.
And yet I'm still trying to find the compliment in there...
Sometimes the use of quotes implies the quotation of a person's actual words, but not on this blog! Maybe Melissa thought they looked like Prancer hooves, I don't know. I have never ever used the word "fatty." Ever. Also, if I ever used the word "ole" I would certainly use the quainter, less salsa-conjuring "ol'." ALSO I love mustard! All mustards of the world. I don't eat organic mustard, that is Gay. I AM FROM INDIANA for chrissakes, where christ's sake is one word and Gay is capitalized but christ isn't.