I have blog block. This is different from writer's block, cock block, chip off the old block, blockhead, New Kids on the Block, or Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, when Mr. Cooper lived on the block. It's not that things aren't happening in my life - I suppose they are, because, ya know, I tend to freak out about at least three things daily. Yesterday morning, for example, I had a meltdown, not a mere panic attack, with its slight inability to breathe and increased heartrate, but a collapse-on-the-couch and die for lack of heart and oxygen meltdown, this one regarding my college education. "But didn't you graduate from college nearly five years ago?" You might ask. To which I would reply, "Yes, kind friend, yes I did. From a very expensive school, half of which, with my wit and charm, I managed to pay for, the other half of which I stuck to my parents, mightily, because I wasn't quite smart enough to get all of it paid for." How could I have done that to them? I wondered yesterday. How could I make them pay for my ridiculously expensive college education, just because I turned out a little smarter (and a little snobbier - perhaps that is the more accurate statement) than most people in my family would have expected? I called my father.
Me: Dad, do you ever regret all the money you and Mom have spent on me, and feel like you have nothing to show for it?
Dad: Why, now that you mention it...
Me (irritated): Just let me talk to Mom.
Dad hands the phone off to Mom.
Me: Mom, do you ever regret all the money you and Dad have spent on me, and feel like you have nothing to show for it?
Mom: Good question...
Me: Let me talk to the dog.
Mom holds the phone up to the dog's ear. Not kidding. She'll let me talk to the cats, too, if I ask her. But back to Elvis, the Jack Russell Terrier who has replaced me as Number One Kid in my parents' hearts.
Me: Elvis, do you think Mom and Dad spent too much money sending me to Vanderbilt--
Elvis: WOOF!!
Me: Put Mom back on.
Elvis: Before I do, know that your delusions are getting out of hand.
Crazy dog...
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