Waiting...

Yes, it's the title of a critically acclaimed Ryan Reynolds film, but it's also what I'm doing right now.  Waiting to get fired.  It's an odd feeling.  I'm sitting in the writers room, going clackety-clack at my keyboard, knowing that at any time the line producer might come in to give me the "We're sorry, but..." speech.  It helps that I am looking directly at the words "Workers of the World Unite!," which my boss wrote on one of our whiteboards last night.  I am thankful the strike did not begin this morning, because Cliffhanger has set my alarm clock to normal time (it has been on military time since college when I dropped it on its spiteful head), which has confused me to no end.  I ended up setting it for 6 PM last night, so when I woke up this morning it was light and I would have been screwed at the picket lines. 

But I'm not here to give you strike talk.  I would rather talk about... drumroll, please... Timothy Olyphant's morning sports report on Indie 103.1.  But Melissa, you might say, don't you think sports are, in general, a waste of time?  Why, yes, yes I do.  I cannot for the life of me sit through one quarter of a football game without shedding tears of boredom.  How is it compelling unless someone gets bone-crushingly hurt, which seems to upset people but is the only thing that can keep me awake?  So how is Timothy Olyphant's sports report compelling?  Because he finds sports as tear-sheddingly boring as I do!!!!  Here's how it goes down:  Every morning around 9:45, the DJ calls up Tim, who sounds like he's just woken up and can't for the life of him remember why he's getting a call so early in the morning.  He will ask, "Now why'd you call me again?" repeatedly.  He will delay talking about sports - he'd rather talk movies, which makes sense, him being an actor and all (and one of the illustrious stars of GO, that gem), he'd rather discuss his kids, his marriage, what breakfast cereal he plans on consuming.  Finally, the DJ will get him back on track, and Timothy Olyphant will not have an opinion on sports despite being a commentator.  Instead, he will READ THE SPORTS DIRECTLY FROM THE PAPER in a tone that is simultaneously pissed off and apathetic.  He will wrap up with one or two tidbits that the paper failed to publish, such as, "There was a horse race this weekend.  Know who won?  A HORSE!"  Brilliant.  Seriously brilliant. 

Happy weekends to y'all!!!