April 2008 Archives

Is apparently what I need.  I mean, really, what kind of writer updates her blog every two weeks?  One with no discipline.  See, I have never fallen for the artist-as-free-spirit myth.  I am much more the get up every morning at six, pour myself some coffee, and approach the blank page before I am conscious enough for the work to terrify me.  Free spirit to me equals lazy.  Free spirit equals hangover which equals getting no work done.  The successful artists I know are some of the most disciplined people in the world.  To me, success is more about fearlessness than letting life pull you in any direction it might.  It's about focus.  And it is always about hard work, above all else. 

This is all a way of reprimanding myself for not updating the blog, so there you have it:  I am a lazy, non-free spirit who apparently fears sharing her life with others.  But I knew that even before I started the blog, so there you go.

The past couple of weeks have been interesting.  It's kind of the calm after the storm.  I think, as a result, I've been in a bit of a snit.  What do you do when you have worked so long for something and you get it?  You are thankful, right?  And boy, oh boy, am I ever thankful.  The people who gave me my break fought for me.  They saw something in me I knew was there.  But unlike others, they didn't ignore it.  So yes, I am grateful.  But now... now things are settling in again, and life is becoming... life. 

One thing that is going to help is getting my own place.  I am SO EXCITED for this.  My own space.  Not having to worry about NEVER having the apartment to myself.  I am an only child.  I have been my entire life up until now, and I will continue to be so.  I am a tantrum-having, feet-stomping, passionate person who has MAJOR space issues.  I used to think I needed to change.  Now, I just really don't give a shit.  I am sick of planning my life around when I will have the apartment to myself.  I very much feel the need to be alone right now, and I'm not sure why exactly that is.  Why now?  I feel like I've been pushing my friends away a little, being difficult for no reason, but sometimes that's just the way I am.  I like it when people fight for me.  Childish of me, totally, but my friends are smarter than I am about who I am and what I need. . They are mind readers.  They have been there for me every step of the past few months.  They have fought for me.  They have made sure I never felt alone or scared or like an unemployed loser.  And then I got promoted, and they celebrated with me, and they continue not to let me feel alone or scared. 

Some people love to knock Los Angeles and the people who flock here, but I have really lucked out.  Even in my darkest hours out here, I've always had faith that this town would take care of me.  Just like I've had faith that my discipline would pay off.  And I'm right... for now.

I'm totally finally writing a post!!!  Wait... is she kidding?  Is she kidding?  No, she's not!!!  I'm so sorry for all you zero people who get your daily blog fix from here.  It's just that, well, the past couple of months have been a roller coaster.  I got accustomed to having full days to accomplish small tasks, like going to the bank.  When I went back to work in late February, my time management skills, usually so well-honed, were all but non-existent.  And I must admit it was strange, going from writing and letting my creativity flow, if only as an escape from the real world, to answering someone else's phones and keeping their schedule.  Despite the fact that that someone is a someone I respect, and who is kind and respectful towards me as well.  I was just... over it. 

And then something weird happened.  Something incredible.  Due to my lovely bosses, I got an agent.  Two agents, actually, who call me every week to check in and call each other names and both despise bowling, just as I do.  And then my lovely bosses took a chance on me, fought for me, and gave me my break.  So I'm a real live, paid writer now, working on a show I love, with people I respect, and I'm still pinching myself, nearly a month later.  I'm still wondering what I did to deserve this, even though I am a bit of a workaholic and I would rather be writing than talking, and I wanted to prove all those people who laughed when I told them what I wanted to do with my life wrong.  There's nothing I despise more than people who dream but don't act on those dreams.  That's just lazy.  When I told my high school English teacher I wanted to write and would appreciate some advice, she laughed and said, "Marry rich."  Imagine my surprise that I don't have to.... for now.....